Love hurts even when you're lost
by Bronwethiel
Summary: Song fic to Nobody's Home by Avril Lavigne.   Slightly dark, but still a T rating, I think.


Lyrics in _italics_, Flashbacks in _**bold italics**_  
>Song is Nobody's Home by Avril Lavigne. <p>

Rupert Giles looked over the paperwork on his desk as his Slayer danced along to some irritatingly cheerful pop song next door. He rubbed his temples, and tried to get back to work, issuing a groan as the music got louder. Teenage girls! He grumbled to himself.  
>The song changed, and, almost unaware of it, the Watcher listened more carefully to the lyrics. He frowned, and got up, walking to the doorway. He watched his Slayer staring at the speakers, shocked into stillness by something or other floating round her head. Giles coughed, and Buffy started, as though frightened. Her clear green gaze was blurred by tears. He walked to her, and embraced her then. The young girl started sobbing, but not before a strained whisper of: "Oh God, Giles… Faith!"<p>

_I couldn't tell you why she felt that way,  
>She felt it every day.<br>And I couldn't help her,  
>I just watched her make the same mistakes again.<em>

The Watcher ran his hand down the Slayer's blonde hair, soothing her. The song carried on playing. _  
><em>_**"Morning, Faith."  
>"Hey G-Man!"<br>"How are you?"  
>"Five by five, y'know."<br>Shadows cloud the young girl's eyes, and she turns her head abruptly away from the Watcher's steady gaze. Rupert smiles, pretending he hadn't noticed. "I'm glad. Stop by later to train OK?"  
>Faith smiles back, but it doesn't meet her eyes. She's suspicious. Why does he care? The man notices her suspicion, and ignores it. He's not her watcher. Buffy's his priority, not Faith. And even if he did try to help, there's no way Faith would let him get past the shell. It's safer to pretend everything's OK. At least it's not driving her away.<strong>_**  
><strong>Giles sighs, and Buffy lifts her head from his shoulder. Her eyes are puffy. "I… I miss her, Giles. I can't help but think 'maybe if we'd done things differently'…"  
>"I know. Me too." He replies<p>

_What's wrong, what's wrong now?  
>Too many, too many problems.<br>Don't know where she belongs, where she belongs._

_**Buffy frowned across the table, her gaze meeting the other Slayer's. The blonde can't help but feel the other girl is distancing herself. "Faith?"  
>"Yeah, B?"<br>"Wanna go to the Bronze after patrol tonight?"  
>"Nah. I've got… stuff. It's cool."<br>"Oh."  
>Giles followed his Slayer's looks, seeing the disappointment in Buffy's eyes as Faith said no; seeing the hurt in Faith's eyes even as she tells Buffy she's busy. Seeing the lie. Seeing the tears that even now haunted Faith's eyes. She pushes her chair back, smirking.<br>"Well, I'm off. Tomorrow, guys."  
>Buffy's face falls. Giles moves to her side. Out in the corridor, Faith face-palms and fights the tears away. She thinks of Red and Xander's looks when she hangs with Buffy for too long, and tells herself its better this way. B can have her friends. Faith doesn't fit in with that crowd anyway.<strong>_

_She wants to go home, but nobody's home.  
>It's where she lies, broken inside.<br>With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes.  
>Broken inside.<em>

_**Faith let herself into the dreary motel room that smelled of damp. It wasn't pleasant. She poured herself a JD and coke, and switched the TV on. And off again. She sat on the end of her bed, sheets un-made, staring at a crack in the wall. Oh yeah, she was really cool. She passed up Bronzing with B… for this. Smart move, Faithy. She let herself cry those tears no-one has seen since she was a little kid, slowly drinking herself into oblivion. **_

_Open your eyes and look outside, find the reasons why.  
>You've been rejected, and now you can't find what you left behind.<em>

_**The mayor gave her what she'd never had. Love, without wanting her to be perfect. Life, without controlling her. The chance to kill, without hating her. He helped her forget her damaged relationships, she messed up past. Buffy. She had a new life, and it was fun.  
><strong>_"Giles? Why did she betray us?" Buffy sniffled. She missed her sister Slayer far more than she'd ever let on.  
>"I think she felt like you didn't need her, Buffy. She was always in the way, in her mind. Willow didn't like her much. Xander couldn't see past her… body." The Englishman blushed slightly, and Buffy remembered how many lewd comments Faith would make just to make Giles uncomfortable. She chuckled. "And you- Well, I think she loved you, Buffy."<br>Buffy flinched. "No. No way. She couldn't have."  
>"She did. I could see it. I may just be your Watcher, but I do do my job." Giles gave an unaccustomed smirk.<br>_  
>Be strong, be strong now.<br>Too many, too many problems._

Strong is fighting. Strong is holding onto the good even when it hurts so much. Sat in her new room, music thumping on the speakers, the puppy rolling at her feet, Faith finds it so much easier to give up and sink into the darkness.

_Her feelings she hides.  
><em>"I HATE BUFFY SUMMERS!"_  
>Her dreams she can't find.<em>_**  
>When the blade went in, something else was pushed out. The warm blood flowed over her fingers, leaving her blank. What's she got left to live for?<strong>__  
>She can't find her place.<br>_The mayor smiled, hearing Faith's yell. "Kill her then. She's just a problem." Faith grins. "Whatever ya say, Boss." She shrugs on her leather jacket, and sets off for the library. She always knows where Buffy is. Standing at the window, Faith watched Buffy dance. Her movements childlike, excited… not like the raw, sensual power the girls had felt at the Bronze. And then she stopped. Stopped dancing, stopped singing. Faith stopped with her. Through the open window floated lines from a song. Giles heard them too, as he stood in the doorway and held his Golden Girl. Never had time for the Dark Slayer, did ya, G-Man? But all the same, Faith wants to be part of that embrace. She waits for Giles to retreat to his office. She leaves the window, and creeps through the door. _  
>She's losing her faith.<br>_"Faith! Why're you-"_  
>She's fallen from grace.<br>_When Faith points the dagger at Buffy's heart, the dark haired girl knows it's over. Truly over. She's beyond saving.

_She wants to go home, but nobody's home.  
>It's where she lies, broken inside.<br>__**"I'm already messed up, B. You don't want to hang with a girl like me."  
>"Sure I do, Faith. It's not too late, you know."<br>**_It is now, Buffy. It is now.  
>"No, Faith! If you kill me, you're gone."<br>Faith nods. "I know. I can't kill you." Sadness sweeps across the girl's face, and Buffy knows she means something else. The dagger changes direction. Buffy's eyes fill up. "I was broken a long time ago, Buffy."_  
>With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes.<br>Broken inside.  
><em>The tears spill at the same time as the blood. Faith's body crumples. Buffy feels as though a chunk of herself has fallen with the other Slayer. Two broken girls. Buffy reaches for the dagger.  
>"B, no." Faith moans weakly, semi-conscious.<em><br>_

_She's lost inside, lost inside...  
><em>"Come back to me, Faith. Come back to me." The light fades from the brunette's eyes. She's finally lost, just the way she always wanted to be._  
>She's lost inside, lost inside...<br>_Buffy breaks down, hearing the music fade and end. The end of a song, the end of a life. Two lives. Buffy's soul hits blackness, the dagger in her hand comforting, alluring… The blade touches the skin of her throat, then Buffy feels wetness on her chest. It's sticky. Feeling drowsy, but too out of it to feel the pain, Buffy places a kiss on Faith's forehead. "We'll be lost together."


End file.
